Dear "He",
Life is busy in Atlanta these days, and finally the rain seems to have stopped and the sun is shining, more or less. Don't forget to send pictures of the beautiful Rockies and the snow I miss!
Okay...like you say, the power of a woman's beauty, her true beauty, is to inspire a man to greatness; but doesn't the man need to recognize that what she offers is true, and that what she demonstrates in virtue is the gift of transformative love?
Also you mention the idea of service to each other, and as I see it, the woman sets the standards and the man chooses to rise to these standards, and in doing so both can be changed by this kind of unselfish, sacrificial love, right? Ideally, the woman sacrifices her own needs by serving the man to encourage him to become more virtuous or great (although, he must change by his own free will). In a practical sense, what I'm saying is that if a woman is setting standards to help the man be the best that he can be, she is thinking of him before herself with every thought, word, and deed that she does in relation to him, but then the man needs to reciprocate, and as a blogger wrote in an earlier piece, fight temptation and doubt consistently in order to rise to the standards that really are about leading both the man and woman to a true act of loving each other, right?
Now for fear of sounding negative, bear with me for a second, how many men have walked away from the kind of love or opportunity to be transformed because he failed to recognize truth and beauty? I guess these men lack the ability from previous experiences that have left them broken, or is it ignorance? I don't know...the answer probably varies. Tell me otherwise, but from my perspective what makes a man, a man on one hand is that he is capable of recognizing transformative truth and beauty because of his strong character, decisiveness to hold on to it, and ultimately his ability to protect this kind of love upon finding it. Although, to be and do all this he needs Christ at the center of his heart if he is honestly going to know this kind of love and even know how to respond to it, otherwise his notion of greatness and love are based upon his limited humanity and what the culture has taught him about love. What I'm saying is that even with virtuous women, men must still choose to respond to the call to greatness...maybe that's just the thing...if I'm thinking we are lacking responsive men, then we must be lacking in virtuous women?
You reference great women who have inspired men to become honorable, so how do you propose we could reinstitute in our current culture this notion of mutual service that would require women to uphold standards and men to meet them? From your perspective, what specifically is it about a woman that inspires man to be great?
Lastly, I would say to women that we need to look and decide what changes need to take place in our hearts and minds in order to inspire an upswing in the amount of great men. If we are being guided by false notions of love and self that have caused us to stray from being dignified women, how will we be women who inspire men to greatness?
Archbishop Fulton Sheen once said in a nutshell, the level of womanhood determines the level of society...I think both sides have a lot of work to do, but what do you think, is it the women who have the upper hand to inspire change?
She Said.
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Wednesday, October 28, 2009
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Thank you so much for this post and for your blog. I have recently linked to it from my own blog that I write with two other young, Catholic women on similar topics. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteAs for your post, I do think women should be charged with taking the lead in calling men to greatness so that men can call women to greatness. However, I think it's hard for women to recognize masculinity nowadays not only because they are not demanding it, but because masculinity is barely recognizable to men. Think of the androgeny that is pervading our culture. Think of the male-male friendship and how homosexuality has compromised its possiblity for being explored in public. I think we need a longer, more expansive memory of the masculine to overcome the problem.
What kind of life is that for women that the only way they can fulfill their "purpose" is guiding a man to greatness? What about her own greatness? What about a purpose that doesn't depend on making a man happy/successful, however you may define it? Why should women have to set the standards for men to behave appropriately? Why can't adult men act like adults, be responsible and regulate themselves? I'm all for service to others before self, but by definition, that's a two way street. The way you define it is men before women.
ReplyDeleteYou're probably not surprised to hear I'm a feminist. You may be surprised to learn I'm also a man.
La Italiana, androgyny is "pervading" our culture as you say, because it's finally becoming acceptable, people are finally allowed to express themselves as who they are, and we're realizing more and more that human beings aren't unidimensional and don't fit into tidy little prescribed boxes. And research has shown that people who are more androgynous rather than more polar masculine or feminine not only have higher self-esteem (like themselves better), they are also more liked by others. They are happier, healthier, less prejudiced, and more adept at dealing effectively in a variety of situations. I don't care what religion you follow, I believe that serves a much higher purpose than the alternative.
ReplyDeleteI do agree that male-male friendships are in crisis right now, but I don't see the connection with homosexuality. Homosexuality is nothing new, we just live in an era where it's becoming more acceptable. In a few centuries, maybe it won't be again.
I don't mean to be a pessimist either, but I must say that through my personal experiences and through individuals I have met I have found many women who are striving to be more virtuous. I have also met many men who are striving for virtue, yet I have come across very few Christian Catholic men who are striving for virtue and willing to open up their heart to women. Most Christian Catholic men that I have come across these days are broken, and as a result they are unwilling to self-sacrifice regardless of the standards of greatness set by the women in their lives...so what do you do then? Women shouldn't settle, so how do you find those men who want to be great, who are willing to express themselves, who are willing to open up their heart, who are willing to commit, who genuinely want to love another women? My experiences and those of my friends and family have shown me that when a women is strong in virtue is often causes the man to coward away.
ReplyDeleteTo the anonymous male feminist: If you think that I am defining "it" as "man before woman", perhaps you should read a little closer. Yes, my point was to explain that a woman is called to serve... this does not mean that I pretend to believe that a man should not serve also. The comment I made was simply a response to "She's" earlier comments. I will take your lead in my next blog posting to offer some ideas on how a man can serve. Thank you for your comments.
ReplyDeleteTo the anonymous woman seeking men who will not cower away from a woman who is strong in virtue:
ReplyDeleteMaybe you live in the wrong part of the country :-) Come to Denver; I know plenty of good men who do not cower away from virtuous women. But also, thank you for your comments. Many good Catholic and non-Catholic men ARE broken... we hope that they are part of our audience and that they might benefit from these contributions. God bless you!
-HE.
I don't know I'm not so convinced about men or women picking someone based upon virtue. Most of time when people are truly good they usually are going to get trampled or ignored. (read the beatitudes) I know a lot of people that have convinced themselves that they loved somebody based upon a moral distinction, just to (have myself) find out later that that person was also particularly rich, attractive, popular or successful.
ReplyDelete"how will we be women who inspire men to greatness?"
ReplyDeleteGreat question! Very pertinent. Excuse me if this is basic but, I'm finding that a continual turn towards Christ and His holy mother are necessary to recognize the reality of our situation as the broken, the fallen, the chosen, and the redeemed. All the directions are clear... but how do we put them into practice?
Being Christian women is the answer, however how does one begin to tackle that on a daily, reality driven basis? In relationship. In a community. I am a woman, living without one in a new city, finding it extremely difficult to hold myself to high standards and helping the man in my life to see those too. Better find a community....