He Said...For the purpose of discussion, here are a few thoughts on the history of fatherhood in our country. But first, what is the current state of fatherhood in America? According to Families and Living Arrangements: 2006, a report published by the US census bureau, there were 12.9 one-parent families in 2006 of which 10.4 million were single-mother families (over 80%). In 2006 the US census bureau also reported that there were 1.7 million married women in the US who had been left by their husbands. These are interesting facts. Historically, divorces became very prevelant in the 1970's. During that time approximately 11% of children lived in single parent families. By 1996 this number had nearly tripled to 31% and has declined slightly since then. In 2002, 16.5 million children, or nearly one quarter of all US children lived with a single mother (www.answers.com/topic/single-parent-families). So what has happened to fatherhood? Why the decadence?
Here is a theory. We are all familiar with 20th century history and know of the horrors of war and death that plagued our world during this century more than ever before in the history of the world. During World War I and World War II, many noble men of our country fought courageously to defend the defenseless and prevent the world from being swallowed by tyranny and corruption. Many of them lost their lives, and many of them returned to America having seen sights and done deeds that no man should ever be asked to experience. These men were great men, full of valor and love for their country, but how could so much destruction, death, and hate not have had its affect on them? Men's hearts become tough in order to be able to bear the witness of so much horror. So when it came time for these men to gently and lovingly teach their sons what it meant to be a man, could it not have been difficult for them to have conveyed the love and caring nature that is so important to a man? In fact, could it have been difficult for them to relate to their children at all with love and care after witnessing such horrors? How many of you who are reading this right now have fathers who had horrible relationships with your grandfathers? A perfect illustration can be found in Hollywood's "Grand Torino"...a moving story of a veteran of the Korean War who has a horrible relationship with his children, although his heart is a generous and sacrificial one. Young veterans of World War II were in their 20s when they returned from the wars. They were having children in the 1950's, and these children were marrying in the late 1960's and early 1970s. Is it any surprise that divorce rates began to increase drastically in the 1970's?
All this begs a question: how do we stop this trend of fathers not knowing how to be fathers and not being able to relay to their sons how to be fathers?
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Tuesday, October 20, 2009
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The generation that fought in WW II also grew up during the depression. What impact did that have on that generation with regards to how they viewed work? money? relationships? etc. I personally believe that the depression probably had as much, if not more to do with forming of attitudes and philosophy for that generation. Also, PTSD (post traumatic stress syndrome) is a modern diagnosis. I can only imagine the number of cases that came out of WWII and went undiagnosed and untreated.
ReplyDeleteI am not saying that his argument or position is wrong, I just think that there were more influences on that generation that did have significant impact on their view of the world, family and philosophies in a great way.
The "Greatest Generation" of fathers spent the late 1940's and 50's sacrificing to provide a better life for their family. So their children would have it better then they did. They may have been too successful. Maybe their children grew up not appreciating and taking for granted all that they were given.
So were our fathers at fault because they gave us too much. I don't think so. The structure of the community, families and social mores that provided structure and values in our lives were being discarded and outdated and no longer relevant. I think we are responsible for that. The selfishness and questioning of authority rapidly grew as a destructive force that began to breakdown the family unit, marriage, and God-centered lives.The net effect is that fathers don't know how to be fathers today. Mothers don't know how to be mothers. The family unit is no longer supreme, the "all about me" generation has taken over.What do I know? I am a 60 year old, Vietnam Combat Veteran, Husband for 35 years, father. May God bless all of you with his grace and mercy.
I think that the problems w/ Fatherhood are linked w/ the problems of parenting in general. In the 1960's and 1970's, the "free love" movement became wildly popular, spurred by feminism and sexual promiscuity. Alongside it, birth control was popularized, and relativistically touted as a "good thing." By 1970, even Catholic Italy had begun to allow women to gain access to birth control information (concerning the pill). The feminist Margaret Sanger, as early as the 1920's (!) founded what is today the Planned Parenthood Fed. of America - which basically tells people that sex outside of marriage is alright. Today, relativism causes people to sneer and say, "That's just your opinion," when faced w/ moral dilemmas.
ReplyDeleteOnce people stop caring about sex - and self-esteem and love - they lose sight of the values necessary to be a good parent. Sex is the most serious thing a man and woman can share; it's the bond that produces life. But when people do not take the very _creation_ of life seriously, they lose sight of what it means to be a parent. Young men today lose their role models when it comes to being responsible, loyal, loving, and ethical. They don't grasp that sex prior to marriage is morally wrong b/c it objectifies the couple and negates the promise/love needed to sanctify it - via the sacrament of marriage. How irrational it is to say you love someone and not be able to wait; men should love women even more than the sensual pleasure sex brings. I firmly believe that physical fulfillment comes nowhere close to the vocational fulfillment of marriage.
To be a man, I think, you must be able to overcome temptation and doubt, consistently. Jesus did not want us to be good some of the time - He wanted us to live our entire lives as He did. It is not wrong to feel tempted; it is giving in and giving up that is evil. The young generation today is less concerned w/ what is in their rational self-interest: the family unit. People have a twisted sense of entitlement, rather than an ethic of hard work and independence. They want from the gov't, they want from their neighbors, they are often jealous, and seldom polite. Where is basic respect? Perhaps it is in demonizing the differences between man and woman, and equating the two that has most harmfully impacted Fatherhood and parenting in general. It's hard to teach a child what it means to be a man when teachers in public schools tell the same kid, "Joey has two dads, and that's okay"...immorality has been normalized.