Don't Worry, I Do Believe in Good Men

Dear "HE"


Well, I have a few things to clarify for you. Again, I do believe that men and women are meant to work together in a complimentary way, and that when I wrote that I agreed with the male feminist, it was only in the concept of men regulating themselves, and by that I mean men should use their free will to make choices for themselves to either grow in virtue or not. In other words to regulate oneself I understood as simply exercising personal accountability, but definitely men are not meant to live or work alone. No one is meant to work alone. Have no fear; I am not a heretic :) More importantly, I only agree with the male feminist as far as he wrote "men should act like men" and my understanding on this is that men need to take back their roles based upon the ways God intended.

I asked men to speak up about good men because in order to help those discouraged women who sadly have not known good men it is important that they hear from you and others. What good does it do a woman to hear from another woman, that "oh yeah, don't worry, they exist"? You know?

I have noticed a couple comments from women readers who do feel discouraged and broken hearted because of their experiences and so it is important to get the attention of men to write in about the actions of good and God-fearing men. I will say in support of your writing on the purpose of marriage and I'll say relationships too, that it is a part of our road to sanctity, and I think women need to pray more about this idea when thinking about future relationships or the one that they are in now. The man is not going to fill the void in your heart, only Christ can do this, and therefore women need to be realistic in their expectations for men and relationships.

I agree that there are many great fathers, grandfathers, uncles, and male friends who give us examples of hard working, supportive, and devoted men to their families and friends. These men care very much for their children and the women in their lives. I've been fortunate enough to have a good father and grandfathers who have all shown love, but these are men of another generation. What I propose is that there is a divide in our current culture that shapes boys and young men (20s-30s). We have some who do grow up knowing what it means to be a responsible man and others who miss the message because of varying factors in their life, especially in their childhood. I think the discouragement with women comes from the difference in the men that women notice when viewing our fathers and grandfathers and then seeing the men of today. Again, that is why I called out to the men to speak up to help change this discouragement and pessimism of the women because I do believe that there are good men, great men out there. I've known them in my own family, but sadly like many other women, I have run into several men who lack a sense of who they are, direction, and the ability to commit, and not just to a woman, but over all they lack conviction unlike my father and grandfathers. This is not to say that they don't exist, because they do, you and others related to this current blog are examples, but our culture definitely shapes who we are and we have to consider what type of men our environment today shapes versus the type of men being nurtured in the 1960s when my dad was growing up or even the 1920s when my grandfathers were coming age, you see? The men who commented on your piece on fatherhood touched on this idea as well.

Lastly, this is a call to women; please change your focus from the man being your savior to Christ being your Savior. He will fill the void in your heart. The men, who we encounter in dating or marriage, are a part of our personal path with Christ to heaven. How we respond to breakups and difficulties in relationships is all part of this path to sanctity, to growing in virtue to be more like Christ. After all, God wants to be with us all and He will do what He can to save a soul. A very good priest told me that once, and it continues to resonate with me. This is something that experience is teaching me, thanks be to God! Do not be discouraged; God is the one in control, we are not, and so relax...perhaps God wants to give you the time and opportunity to pursue other things that you can only accomplish when you are single versus being married?


Have a good day!

She Said
PS. Don't forget to pray and ask for help in all things from Our Lady